Castles in the air

I'm so so sleepy now... but I can't sleep, cos there's a heavy weight tugging at my heart.

Felt so happy for my friend just now with his astonishingly good news... but I can't help but to worry for myself and my future, will I ever accomplish in such a short time what he has accomplished?

My friend said I am a pessimist, whom I never quite really thought of myself as one until now. He said that everytime I see him I just have so many negative news to tell him. I was shocked to realise that I actually emit this negative energy that someone who's so far away is able to feel it. I always thought that I would be somebody's sunshine and butter. Well I really should learn to ask more about my friends' lives than to pour out all my sad stories each time they approach me for a chat. Maybe there is this pessimism in me, but I'm still a staunch believer in myself that I'm really a pessimistic optimist at heart who thinks pessimistically but is willing to drive myself on optimistically. That's good, right?

I seem to be good at building castles in the air... in love and in work and in life... so much until I get confused in reality as to what stage I'm really in... You know, effective people don't spend time contemplating such vague thoughts about themselves, they just get off the couch and onto the battlefield to charge forward.

Maybe if I could just spend a little more concentration and try a little harder... I could just do it right.

Somehow I feel so trapped now that so many eyes are actually watching my blog and reading what I write and deriving my thoughts from my words... but I've had had a few darlings who constantly give me all the encouragement and support for me to carry on... no matter in songs, or in words, or in imparting useful advice and knowledge to me... I feel really thankful to all their guidance cos I know that they want to see me grow and become a better person.

I promise, I will try my best... I can do it!

P/S: I'm going for my first Toastmasters meeting tomorrow. It's so thrilling, cos I've always wanted to join a Toastmasters meeting since I first heard of it during Form 5... yet scary at the same time cos I'm really scared of embarassment and am afraid to make a fool out of myself if they make me stand up and give an impromptu speech of 2 minutes. More updates after the meeting! Feel like I'm doing a lot of things I wanted to do since I started working... *smiles*