A Desolate Place

Taking a break from revising all my pre-project prep stuff. I visited some of my friends' blogs, some juniors' blogs and chatted with some friends. That brought me back to think about KL again, about that Friday when I went down to KL.

I think that KL is a very desolate place to live, compared to Penang. Not desolate as in deprived of people, (you know, because the place is practically bustling with people everywhere!) but rather, cold and lonely, with that lack of a human touch. Perhaps I've been away from KL for too long that things seem to fall out of place like an impossibly complicated jigsaw puzzle, too long that I don't know my way anymore, or I can't see a friendly face among those stoned-face bypassers. (Or too friendly, once a girl, who looked like she was just doing some shopping with her friend, practically let go of her friend and RAN towards me in 1 Utama to sell a NuSkin product.)

Some people would disagree with me that Penang feels the same to them too! Or maybe it's just that normal feeling when you don't know the place... when that place does not feel like home to you. Some of my best friends say they hated Penang, can't wait to get out of Penang... then left Penang.

In KL, I feel out of control, without my car; lack of yearning, without my cozy apartment; devoid of spirit, when all the places seem so far between each other. If you don't have a car in KL, you might as well spend all of your rest-time getting from one dot to the other. Even if you have a car, you might very well fall asleep behind the wheel in the traffic jam. I still remember I was so tired once in the bus from Sunway back to Pudu, that I actually fell asleep standing, holding on to the railing. Nicholas says he puts all his clothes (formal, casual, sportswear) and stuff into his car (like a mini wardrobe) so he can do everything straight in one place in one day.

I get grouchy, facing those stupid taxi-drivers (only the stupid ones!) that try to con you, don't use the meter, argue with you, nor don't know how to get to a place like Kota Damansara! It really sucks the life out of me and I feel down and depressed, standing in the night with the cold wind blowing against my face. Once I was so angry (felt as if my head would burst!) with a bunch of taxi-drivers that charged me RM8 to fetch me just a few meters (it was 9p.m.) from Ikea to Mutiara Damansara, I turned my head and ran all the way (there were many foreign construction workers around...) back to the doorstep. I just felt so angry that I had to hold back my tears from bursting. Stupid bullies!

I just don't know what I'd turn into if I'd continued building my career in KL. Would I further turn into a hot-tempered, mean grouch and start lashing out at my loved ones? Or would I crumble at the pressure and just give in, and turn into a lesser, obligating version of myself?

In Penang, my life is in my hands. Everything is just a 10 min drive away (excluding Georgetown) - the gym, Queensbay, Giant, sundry market, hill, beach, office, my apartment - I feel my time is fully utilized and not gone to waste. But sometimes KL seems so exciting and hectic, and I'm tempted to just move there and go with the flow. But after Friday, I might as well rethink, and think hard.