In the end it doesn't really matter.

I skipped blogging for the whole of autumn and now it's already winter. The leaves are already gone from most of the trees and the golden yellow skyline has been replaced with the stark, bareness of the trees and greyness. Yesterday it rained the whole day and it was so wet and cold that I absolutely detested the weather. But today it's so bright and sunny again that somehow it helps to lift my spirits up, even though just a little.

What really transpired from the start of autumn till now I can't really tell but it has led to worse. My mood changes from week to week and sometimes it just gets so bad, so low... the continued rudeness from that girl just never ceases to amaze me.

Now I can't help but to think that friends are just passersby in my life. Some people are blessed with true, even great, friendships but let's just face the fact that I am not. I always thought that if I offered my heart or really treated someone as a friend that someone would treat me back the same, or that I would be guaranteed of a friend in need. Somehow too late, I realized that I have none. Or maybe I was being too presumptuous - I used to think that okay no matter how my current friends treat me I would have at least two best friends in my life whom I have known for the longest time and so all others don't matter as long as I have them both. But it turned out the same that why would she say something so mean and hurtful which I would never have said if I were in her place? That was the straw that broke the camel's back and since then, nothing else was really the same.

OK maybe in the end I just need to stop caring so much and focus on the things that I want to achieve. Friends are just passersby in life, no matter how depressing the fact is, and I just want to move on, so I treat everyday as a brand new day. And in the end, it doesn't really matter.

Last but not least, feel like shouting out loud: "you suckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Comments

josze said…
haha thats a cute last line.
you're right. friends ARE passerbys. Do you know how tough it is to really stay true to someone for a long looooooong time? as long as you keep an open mind and dont focus on it too much you'll do just fine. just remember at the end of the day, what matters is your husband and your family. that's about it.

And you're such a nice girl. I'd love to be your friend! why would people badmouth about each other that i don understand.
Xweing said…
Josze, thanks for your comment. It's not really about the bad-mouthing cos I bitch about others too.. but more about the fact that when someone u really treat as your friend ceases to do the same, or maybe i've expected too much.. and get disillusioned or disappointed.. really saddening..
weixuan said…
Hey girl, don't be so sad. I'll always be here when you need me :)
weixuan said…
and take care of your arm!
Xweing said…
Xuan, thanks... i know you guys know when i'm talking about 'friends' in general.. i don't mean about u guys.. becos u guys are the sweetest people in my heart...... always ^^
pik lay said…
Just don't care about her.

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