Today I walked into the office, full of guilt. Yesterday was the first time in 23 years of my life that I physically did quite a lot of damage to a living person.
Although they say that there's a first in everything, I sincerely hope for everyone that this "first experience" will never happen to you.
All of this happened in such a brief moment, in a sudden thought that flashed before my eyes. If only I had... if only I had paused to think before my subsequent action! I heard Kelly shout "Motor!" and all of a sudden I could only hear a thud and see the motorist tumble on top of the windscreen and down on the floor.
I am only thankful to God that things could have been worse, he could have ended up with a much more serious injury... but thank God, only his arm bone was fractured. Many many more unimaginable scenarios could have happened... what if, what if I was a second late, what if I was a second too early... what would have happened next.
And I am only thankful for the host of angels that surrounded me, to minimize the impact of the dreadful situation, for the helpful words of advice from the passersby, to the poor man for not yelling at me, to his boss for his grace and mercy, to Kelly for being my pillar of strength, for my brake to not fail while I was driving up and down from Balik Pulau. And to my friends for their sympathy and tender words of care.
I guess that nothing could ever redeem me from this unbearable guilt, the fact that I had hurt a person who was, just a minute ago, riding happily on his motorbike. A compound of RM300 and a broken front bumper is a price too little to pay for what I had done. And my drops of tears which rained from my eyes outside the clinic, at the police station, in front of Kelly and my pastor in these times of guilt.
From this episode, I learnt that driving recklessly is not at all a choice, much less an obligation to protect myself, friends and those other road-users. Looking down at those hurt hands and silent eyes, I felt myself determined more than ever to never go down this road again.