Musings...

I woke up this morning with a spring in my step, a smile on my face. But you took that all away with ur horrible comments.

Same as comments from the doctor, when you've gotten not one, but two devastatingly hurtful criticisms about your outlook in a day, and be reminded of repetitive condemnations that come again and again and again each time I go back home, you'll really start to doubt yourself, your taste, your values, and even your meaning in life. At least I did, today.

I know, I know, you didn't intend to be malicious. But enlighten me, how should I feel when I get attacked so unintentionally (you say!) when I, for one, has never, and ever tried to hurt you with the least harshness and cruelty.

I really hate insensitive remarks, especially from those people who just intend to bring you down and your day with it. "Oh, your shirt looks dreadful today!" "Oh my, what a fat hip you have!"... you get it, but I couldn't care less. Being the sensible, always-positive person that I am, I would attempt to shrug it off with a smile and just remind myself to cover up my flaws the next day.

But please don't criticise me about something that I'm unable to change... eg. my weight, my bodyshape, my hair, and my skincolour. I've been this shape for as long as I can remember, throughout my high school days when I used to play softball and I was at my fittest then. Fyi, my weight actually hasn't gained much since then. And I try to exercise and keep healthy and love my body, so please go pick on others your own size. And don't even start on my boobs. I didn't ask for them and yet God gave them to me, so go snicker at something else, perhaps at the footballs on the playing field? And stop talking about my skincolour, no I'm not Indian I've mentioned more times than once, I just can't help it if my pigmentation surfaces more easily than others. And my hair, oh my hair... now that's something I can do to change/cover up, sometimes, but it's also been like that since I was a baby... and just be thankful that I don't snicker back at you when your own hair is completely gone.

Like I said, I don't care about negative remarks from those who come from people I couldn't care less for. But for those whom I truly value as friends and family, sorry to say, I really can't take it anymore. Anymore of this and I swear I'll truly jump... and all you'll get to criticise afterwards is to my grave.

I don't feel like going there anymore.

I just wanna say, that I feel terribly sad today. But give me some constructive criticism, and I'll not only take it, I'll even be grateful to you. Thanks.