Flowers & Me

Beautiful flowers are in full bloom again! Here are some of my pictures with the lovely spring flowers~

The plum blossom starts first. 

Then the big white magnolia tree in the center of the garden at the university front gate.

Then the small colorful crocuses on the ground. And the small yellow flower that looks like a button.

Then the gorgeous sexy pink and red camelias.

And the princess of the flowers, the cherry blossom.

BEAUTIFUL.

But most of the big trees are without leaves yet. So when I don't focus on the flowers and just take a ground level random picture, it still feels kinda wintry and barren. But when I focus on the small, beautiful things and group them all together, everything looks so beautiful. Just like life, from the outside. Nobody actually sees the real picture of how I am, my current circumstance. Everybody thinks I am so happy here. Because of the small pictures. I too, cheat myself into thinking that all is perfect and well here. I hope it really is. I hope I will feel better after my friends and family come visit me for the next two weeks.

I am always hyperthreading, my thoughts. So on the other hand I feel that if I try harder to focus on the beautiful things in life, I might just feel happy again and pull myself out of the glum, the barrenness, the ugly things that I am in. Everybody tells me to focus harder. But I can't do it. I think that I am two persons in one. I try to, though, everyday. Everyday I look out the window and tell myself to start anew. That the sun is shining, that it's a brand new day.

I think I look good in the collage above with my long, straight hair and long fringe. I look kinda smart and sweet at the same time especially in my leather jacket and when I pair it with a flowery short skirt or pastel lace dress. But I don't look like that anymore. Today I felt a tremendous urge to do a perm. I want to have romantic Korean curls in time for Spring. So I went to the hair shop and the woman kept on telling me, your hair is so bad, your hair is so terrible. I hope I'll look good tomorrow for the photoshoots when my friends come!