Thursday, March 29, 2007
Which is like my dog!
You don't know, my dad and I had been cracking our heads and searching Popular bookstore for all types of dog-breeds but never come across this one. So happy Leonard pointed this out to me :D
And now the next thing is to name my dog. Yeah, my dog hasn't had a name yet... we still call her 小狗... hahaha... guess my family likes to start names with a "Xiao"...
Shall I name her Whisky after Leo's dead dog? On second thought... uhuh. Another suggestion came from Sujea that I name my dog Lubby or Ruby... cos he says it's a magical name for all dogs in Sarawak that they respond to the name Lubby.
Sujea: "This is how we do it in Sarawak... '...zk zk zk Lubby zk zk zk...' This is why I like the song Ruby so much..."
But my dog doesn't have ruby-coloured fur! And neither does she stay in Sarawak.
Maybe I shall name her Penryn...
Felt so happy for my friend just now with his astonishingly good news... but I can't help but to worry for myself and my future, will I ever accomplish in such a short time what he has accomplished?
My friend said I am a pessimist, whom I never quite really thought of myself as one until now. He said that everytime I see him I just have so many negative news to tell him. I was shocked to realise that I actually emit this negative energy that someone who's so far away is able to feel it. I always thought that I would be somebody's sunshine and butter. Well I really should learn to ask more about my friends' lives than to pour out all my sad stories each time they approach me for a chat. Maybe there is this pessimism in me, but I'm still a staunch believer in myself that I'm really a pessimistic optimist at heart who thinks pessimistically but is willing to drive myself on optimistically. That's good, right?
I seem to be good at building castles in the air... in love and in work and in life... so much until I get confused in reality as to what stage I'm really in... You know, effective people don't spend time contemplating such vague thoughts about themselves, they just get off the couch and onto the battlefield to charge forward.
Maybe if I could just spend a little more concentration and try a little harder... I could just do it right.
Somehow I feel so trapped now that so many eyes are actually watching my blog and reading what I write and deriving my thoughts from my words... but I've had had a few darlings who constantly give me all the encouragement and support for me to carry on... no matter in songs, or in words, or in imparting useful advice and knowledge to me... I feel really thankful to all their guidance cos I know that they want to see me grow and become a better person.
I promise, I will try my best... I can do it!
P/S: I'm going for my first Toastmasters meeting tomorrow. It's so thrilling, cos I've always wanted to join a Toastmasters meeting since I first heard of it during Form 5... yet scary at the same time cos I'm really scared of embarassment and am afraid to make a fool out of myself if they make me stand up and give an impromptu speech of 2 minutes. More updates after the meeting! Feel like I'm doing a lot of things I wanted to do since I started working... *smiles*
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
我们学了最基本的 C、Am、F、G7... 听说有这四个 chord 就可以一把吉他走遍华语歌界的天下。学的第一首歌是邓丽君/蔡琴唱的《恰似你的温柔》 (Just Like Your Tenderness...) 虽然我不会背歌词，但是幸好以前妈妈时常在电子风琴弹这首歌给我听，我才跟得上...
除了《恰似你的温柔》，我们（他们）也弹唱了很多首其他的歌，像王力宏的《Kiss Goodbye》，天王杀手周华建的《让我欢喜，让我忧》，张栋梁的《当你孤单你会想起谁》，还有《小薇》... 哈哈哈。包老师还表演了一半的《恋爱症候群》给我们听... 那一晚我们都唱得很开怀... 吉他果然是 portable Karaoke system...!
没想到出来工作以后还可以与一班同事一起学吉他陶冶心情！今天还收到很多接踵而来的电邮，老师寄歌谱，同学寄 mp3... 真得太好玩了! 期待下一次的吉他爱好会...
蔡琴 - 《恰似你的温柔》
Monday, March 26, 2007
But I forgot that I can't eat a lot of beans... cos beans will just ferment in your stomach and give you a gaseous feeling. So... today I'm feelin' very bloated... and I feel like I'm just about to fly up to the sky because of my inflated stomach.
*Burp burp burp*... ooh, excuse me. :P
Saturday, March 24, 2007
Usually I just slam down the alarm and cover my head again with my blanket.
Maybe it's that Starlight ringtone that did it...
It's been so long since my last jog with mom at Polo Ground.
Although I managed only 2 rounds around the field this time...
I need to accomplish a few things today...
Clean my room, do my laundry, shop for some new shirts, read my book!!!
And take a lot of rest.....
And indulge in some time with myself
That's the view from my window at 9.30a.m... after my jog.
Such a beautiful Saturday...
Listening to The Fray - Look After You
Feels like Seattle on a blue-gray morning
Hope that there's someone out there to look after me...
Friday, March 23, 2007
有些人，就算每天只是和他在 talk crap，但是他让我过得很快乐。
If I don't say this now I will surely break
As I'm leaving the one I want to take
Forgive the urgency but hurry up and wait
My heart has started to separate
Be my baby
Be my baby
I'll look after you
There now, steady love, so few come and don't go
Will you won't you, be the one I'll always know
When I'm losing my control, the city spins around
You're the only one who knows, you slow it down
If ever there was a doubt
My love she leans into me
This most assuredly counts
She says most assuredly
It's always have and never hold
You've begun to feel like home
What's mine is yours to leave or take
What's mine is yours to make your own
You are so beautiful to me
With their tumbling raven locks, big eyes, honey skin, full lips(!!!), nice butt and long legs that truly fills up those jeans, they steal the show, man! They also look more down-to-earth than the aristocratic white chicks who look haughty (think Paris Hilton...) so, black chicks are hot!
So, how long has it been since we last watched a movie together?
I think it was almost 8 years ago... on my 16th birthday, right?
The movie was "Shakespeare in Love",
I was in Love...
But I didn't really watch it...
I was too excited just being beside you for the first time.
Yesterday we watched Stomp the Yard.
For once, I had no special feeling as I sat beside you.
Am I starting to get over you?
Or have I just resigned to the fact that you'll never see me standing in front of you...
However there are some things that still keep me going...
Your intelligence and sensibility that lifts you high above all others
Your hidden compassion that I just discovered
No, not just yet...
I close my eyes,
And I say a little prayer
For your friend in need
May he get over his cancer...
And be strong as he receives his treatment...
May he be blessed with the power of the Lord
The Spirit of healing to wash over him
And make the cancer go away
For he is your child oh Lord,
Please have mercy on him.
Thursday, March 22, 2007
"Jadi, beg ini tak boleh guna lagi ya..." (Sambil twisting the fat needle in my skin... *twist)
"Er... okay." (Looking at the nurse twisting the needle...)
"Nak buat tangan lain tak?" (Still twisting...)
"Oklah. Buat lah... (acting macho...)"
See... this is my left arm.
Btw, he is very unique because he's an AB type. How many AB type people do you see walking around, not to mention donating blood? Cos AB types are the selfish kind of blood... they can only donate to themselves but not to others.
And if you're wondering, I'm an O+. Yay! I'm a universal donor :)
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
But I'm not sad
Coz I'm thinking about you...
It's gray on the horizon
Where the mountains lie
And I'm in my car
With the radio on
And it's playing Norah Jones
"Thinking About You..."
I look in the rearview mirror
And expect to see you smile
But you're not there
Although I can't help
Thinking about you...
Now I'm at home
Seventeen floors up in the sky
And the air outside is misty white
I lie on my bed
Just building castles in the air
Thinking about you...
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
I drew my house on Jalan-Tak-Tentu-Arah, or Not-Sure-Which-Direction Street. I simply drew, cos I was waiting for my run to launch and had little free time to color it. After I finished drawing I clicked to see what other neighbours I had, and to my surprise, I had the ugliest house on the street. Talk about competition -_-'''
My 1st neighbour, dranoel, who's also the Ketua Kampung, had the sense to draw his house with a swimming pool on the roof. Either he must be living in the Mediterannean, else he must have fantasies about bikini-clad girls on top. Guessing from the picture, he must have had a ball of a time drawing his dream house, complete with balconies and all. He must have spent too much time playing The Sims. Hey dranoel, you should have been an architect and designed my house!
My 2nd neighbour, surprisingly, drew a similar type of house to mine! Although mine now looks like the weathered version of Before/After Dulux paint commercials. Of course, mine is the Before. Hahahahaha... Both our houses are drawn in the middle, with squarish windows and doors, the water-fountain on the left, and person on the right. But her house sounds dreamy - twinkle twinkle little star garden... while mine looks not. Hahahahhaha!
So here's an analysis of my drawing, I would say... quite correct!
Your house tells the world that you ought to be a leader. You are a freedom lover and a strong person. You are shy and reserved. If you've drawn a cross on each of windows, you always want to live alone. Once you have a problem, you need a friend with you.
You will avoid being alone and seek the company of others whenever possible. You love excitement and create it wherever you go. You see the world as it is, not as you believe it should be.
You added a flower into your drawing. The flower signifies that you long for love. We also see that you are sensuous, sexual, and privately passionate. You don't think much about yourself.
I named my house Carrie because I couldn't think of any name to name it after naming my car Izzy. So I 'borrowed' the name from Leo's previous car... hahaha... and I wanna live on 8th Street... like Carrie from Sex & The City. But I'm sure Carrie wouldn't want to live in a bungalow. She'd choose an apartment, or penthouse, coz... she's so Carrie... :)
I found out that something weird happens to me every once in a full moon. Actually this is just testament to the fact that I already knew of so long ago. In just a short period, my emotions, sadness, anger or happiness fluctuate randomly to shoot up/down to reach a max/min level... I'd feel desperately sad, uncontrollably angry or ecstactically happy like I'm on a high. The usual me tries to be calm and collected all the time, sometimes even devoid of emotions... I am just not myself. Is there really a gravitational pull towards our feelings during a full moon?
It happened just so suddenly yesterday when I unintentionally raised my voice while trying to talk sense into my colleague... and he asked me, "Are you having your period?" This is not the first time in a span of a week that I've heard this question. And from a guy, too! In fact, this question so reminded me about the same question Shu Shan asked when I was throwing a tantrum during my biology lab in high school.
And I felt so helplessly sad and demotivated yesterday when I faced some issues and beratings from my senior (though it was cleverly directed towards the computer). I know I screwed up, and I felt damn guilty about it for wasting other people's time and mine.
The guilt really kicked in when I reached home, tired and sleep-deprived, and my mom called to ask how I was on the phone. Unwittingly, I lashed out at her with my sharp tongue. I really didn't mean to, but my emotions had taken over me like a great wave, pushing those sour words out of my mouth.
Afterwards, I decided it wasn't worth falling out with my parents just because I couldn't put a rein on my stupid anger. So I called back to make peace, and when I heard my mom telling me how worried she was about my stress... I finally understood that harsh words do not only hurt others, but they also do no good to yourself.
Monday, March 19, 2007
In the old curiosity shop... at last \:D/
Leonard trying to look spiffy...
Me & Senior PEO James... keke
I put my smile inside my pink Hello Kitty gift box
the sparkle in my eyes into my mother-of-pearl jewellery box
my tears into my blue glass bottle
my sighs into my yellow pillow case
and hid them behind my wardrobe
Last Sunday (11th March), I went for my first ever Karate grading test at Y.M.C.A. Penang. I was to take the exam to go from white belt (jyudan) to green belt (kyudan).
As I already have some background in martial arts, I didn't really worry much beforehand as I expected it to be a breeze for me. Getting there was the hardest part - I'd never driven to town alone and you know how crazy the Sunday traffic can get in Penang. But with the help from a church friend, a good scout who drew me a very detailed map (North all the way!!), complete with landmarks and all, I managed to reach there without anything dramatic happening.
In fact, I was 45 minutes too early when I reached at 3.15pm for the 4.00pm grading. Hahaha... so I spent 15 minutes in the bathroom changing into my robes and tying my hair up. Then I went into the hall to wait for my other karate-ka friends.
The exam started off by a blackbelt guy (fit, hairy... in other words, cute, very cute!) chasing us into line formation (10... 9... 8... Hurry up! Where's your discipline!). After leading us to do some warm-up exercises, the blackbelt proceeded around the hall to check on each of us... until he came and stood in front of me, and his gaze rested on mine. My heart skipped a beat. He leaned in close, and whispered... "You got your robe on wrong."
Immediately, my cheeks felt as if they were on fire!!! And I quickly flew to the back of the hall to rearrange my robes -_-'''
It was no less easier for me as the grading started... as I looked around the hall, with my number 7 (for good luck) pinned to the left of my breast... I couldn't see anyone my height donning a whitebelt... well, except for one, others were all kids! I looked down superiorly, and asked the kid standing on my right... "So, how old are you?" He showed me a hand. 5?!! A red belt in taekwondo and I am now taking my green belt exam in the company of barely school-going age kids!!!
Anyhow, like I expected, taking the exam was a breeze. Another blackbelt guy (less cute... Boring) demonstrated the moves on stage, while all we had to do was just to mimic the moves correctly. Other blackbelt elders rounded the hall to jot down our marks. Sometimes I looked to my right and saw the little boy rolling on the floor between breaks. -_-'''
White belt karate-ka had only to do simple moves in each series of movements, and could retire early after the fundamentals were over. I mentally practised my kata a few times before I went up to the front to perform. I managed to remember everything and did all the moves correctly - while reminding myself not to bounce up-and-down (like taekwondo) like what my sensei always reminded me. As for the 5-year old boy, he performed the kata like dancing in a kindergarten stage performance, but I still commend his cleverness in remembering all the moves!
And so... I passed my green-belt exam... hehe ^_^
And almost got picked-up by a guy (the other white belt karate-ka who's above my height) who's also, coincidentally, an Intellier. Gosh... this is so cliché...
Stay tuned... for more news, from the karate-kid! "Kiyaii!!!"
Thursday, March 15, 2007
It's like hell in the office.
It's that day after the middle day of work in the week,
where you still got a mountain-load to finish,
and you yearn for Friday to come,
but you are scared;
you're scared you're unable to finish excavating by then,
and reap the rewards that you toiled so hard for.
Yet you wear a hopeful smile when no one is looking,
for you know the day is inching,
albeit slowly creeping,
towards the end of the week.
But you know it's not there yet,
not just yet;
that glorious Friday which marks the end of bondage and beginning of freedom.
Everybody's stressed out.
So they went for a drink at Starbucks.
I sat in front of the computer.
Until a good soul offered to drive me out for lunch.
I had sashimi instead.
They said it would upset my stomach further,
but I wouldn't listen;
I needed to feel the taste of raw flesh in my mouth,
that helpless, slimy cold as it glides on my tongue down my throat
to envelope that frightened little feeling inside my stomach
to stifle it while it's still inside the cocoon
before it develops into a butterfly.
I kidnapped a moose today.
Sat it by my chicken on the wall.
Just to revenge against the stupid American policy
of Daylight Savings
when everyone everywhere else has to bend their time
to accomodate dear old Uncle Tom in his cabin.
I need a weekend to destress;
somewhere far far away,
where my prince awaits with his green bird,
and I lie on that perfect island,
undressed for a soothing spa;
and the book that I read topples onto a vast pile that lies beneath my head,
and the white clouds in the sky just simply blinds my eyes,
while you dip a strawberry in chocolate sauce for me,
and place your gaze in mine.
Focus on me,
I don't like you looking at her...
Who is that masseur?
I just silently tell myself,
Form is temporary,
but Class is forever.
I know I am stressed out when I can't fully contemplate the simple experience of watching a simple, uncomplicated movie. I know I am stressed out when I feel like vomitting everyday and endure revisits of horror, horror gastrectasis.
Ok I know my ever-caring friends will just tell me to take it easy. Oh I know... I'll take care of myself and hope the pain and stress just disappears one of these days. Anyhow, thank you for your concern :)
I hate the girl-game. I hate society. I hate the boycotting where I have to fake a smile to concerned gazes and swallow the feeling of abandonment. Even though I've spent 10 years in a convent environment, I swear to this day I still don't know how to deal with cruel girlish boycotts. I'll just retreat to my shell where I can find solace in comfortable thoughts and reading or by having interesting conversations with others. I hate foolish mouths who pass judgement on me just because I mix with a certain crowd. I can actually mix easily with anybody, as long as the conversation suits my taste. But for those whom I find desperately boring, sorry, recently I'm just not in the mood/ nor have the leisure to care about your feelings.
I feel sad because I miss going to the movies with you. Did you know that recently I've watched many, many movies? But I guess you don't really care, do you? Cos you would have asked... if you even cared.
It's just that... sad movies, always make me cry... and I need you by my side.
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Monday, March 12, 2007
Friday, March 09, 2007
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
Monday, March 05, 2007
Hope I'll sleep tight tonight, and let my dreams take flight...
Whisper: I made a decision today, and I'll go ahead with my plan...
I hope this is the correct path to take... :)
P/S: I just realised this is my 200th post in Xweing Away! I know it's nothing great but, perseverence and an overwhelming need to write has led me here... now isn't that something worth celebrating? *Smiles...
Sunday, March 04, 2007
I had a chance to listen to a very good speaker, Pr. John Koe, who answered one of my all-time biggest questions: Why is Faith so important? Why through faith and belief in Jesus Christ is the only way to God and eternal life?
In Genesis Chapter 3 Verses 1 and 4, where Eve was tempted by the serpent to eat the fruit from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil:
Now God had spoken very clearly to Adam and Eve that they must not take any fruit from that tree. What the serpent (Satan) did was to cause UNBELIEF in man, to stir up doubts in their hearts about God's word.
Of course, the result was that Eve doubted the word of God and ate the fruit with Adam, causing both of them to be banished from the Garden of Eden forever... thus causing mankind to fall into sin. The first sin that man did, to lead to all sins, was because of disbelief in God.
But man does not have to despair, because God loves man so much, that he sent Jesus Christ to die on the cross as a redeemer for ALL our sins. You can try for a lifetime to understand why he would do that, and did it really (sounds familiar?) happen? But His love for us is beyond comprehension. And that is FAITH.
"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life" (John 3:16)
That is why FAITH is so important... even more than the 10 commandments, because FAITH (believing in Jesus Christ), is the first and ultimate concept a person should have, to find God.
"I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me" (John 14:6)
I feel born again... and all my sad episodes in the past week all thrown away! *Feel apologetic to the ones I scolded and gave a cold-shoulder treatment and hurt during my period of depression. A big SORRY and HUGZ!